Cataclysm
by yminnie
Summary: Cataclysm - noun - A sudden and violent physical action producing changes in the earth's surface. Since you woke up he felt something was off, something had changed. He thought he could ignore it, but when you said you didn't know him his world shifted. You shifted. Because you are his world. Maybe he's just being dramatic. *BTS READER INSERT*
1. Chapter 1

**Sooo, I decided to write another BTS READER INSERT because I'm trash and really shouldn't have because I still haven't finished writing 'You're Just A Kid' but this was in my brain and I just needed to get it out. And I've actually planned this one out, unlike YJAK, and it's only going to be a short one, so hopefully I'll have it done soon.**

 **Anyway, if you like YJAK I hope you like this one too. It's quite different, but still angsty so I hope you give it a chance. I don't really write stuff like this.**

 **So enjoy! Leave a review or fav/follow, everything is appreciated (:**

 **~~.~~**

"She would grab whatever she could -a look, a whisper, a moan - to salvage from perishing, to persevere. But time is most unforgiving of fires, and she couldn't, in the end, save it all."  
― **Khaled Hosseini** , **A Thousand Splendid Suns**

~~.~~

 **Y/N P.O.V**

It's an interesting thing memory. So delicate and intangible that you almost forget it's part of you. A huge part at that, because what would you be without your memory? A shell that knows nothing about who they are, or what they're doing. You have to rely on other people, place your trust in them and hope they won't sway you wrong. Are they telling you the truth? What reason do you have to trust them?

You don't know them, but somehow they know you.

Your mind is a whirl of emptiness as you try to comprehend what he's saying to you. His voice breaks with tears that he's desperately trying to hold back as he tries to make sense of what has happened.

"Y/N." He speaks, his tone broken and choked. You turn to him curiously, wondering what he wants to tell you. "I'm sorry."

You're aware that you should know what he's apologising for, yet your mind is blank as to why you're even in this room at all. Blank to why he's sitting beside you. You close your eyes as he continues. There is something familiar about his voice, a feeling that puts you at ease as his tongue rolls lazily over his words. You just can't seem to place where you've heard it before.

"I should have been with you," He runs his hands over his face in frustration, letting out a hard breath. "If I hadn't been running late, I could have." He pauses. "I should have."

You hate seeing him so miserable, so you reach your hand out, wincing as the tape pulls at your skin and place it against his arm. "I forgive you."

He looks up at you, his dark eyes shining almost black with tears. "Don't."

Your eyebrows furrow together. _Isn't that what he wants, to be forgiven?_

He moves his arm away from your hand and you watch as it falls limply onto the sheets, no strength in you to stop it.

"Don't humour me, Y/N. It's my fault you're in here." He shakes his head again, looking as if he's battling with something. "If I hadn't gotten mad, then you wouldn't have left and you wouldn't have…" He trials off, not wanting to finish his sentence.

You wish he had, you have no idea what he's talking about.

Everything about this situation confuses you. _Why did he get mad?_

And why would that have anything to do with why you're here now?

You've grown accustomed to your room over the past week, the white walls surrounding you filled with small framed pictures has become your sanctuary, your safe place. The constant beep from the monitor next to you should have driven you insane by now, but you have come to find it comforting. For now it's the only constant thing in your life.

 _Much like him…_

He's been here every day and you find it hard to think of a time when he wasn't next to your bed, constantly sobbing over broken words that he didn't know you could hear in your unconscious state. You like his voice, even though it's riddled with melancholy, you've found it soothing. You only wish you could make his pain go away. You thought maybe if you woke up, then things would be put right. But that only seemed to have made it worse. He rejected your apology, the one thing you thought you could give him. Now you don't know what to do.

You look at him, trying to figure out just what it is about him that seems so comforting. But you find nothing. You look from his light hair, an almost white blonde with a small amount of dark regrowth beginning to grow at the roots. He keeps it styled in a thick fringe that's parted off to the side, revealing some of the pale skin of his forehead. At times it falls into his dark eyes when he moves his head too quickly, you'd watch entrapped as he swept it back into place. He wears glasses you notice, thick square framed and black. And you wonder if he actually needs them or if it's just a fashion statement. You don't feel yourself leaning any particular way. You notice how pale his skin is, almost creamy in the dim light of the room, you find it oddly charming. He dresses well, colours complementing each other, from the light ripped jeans to the dark sweater and shoes.

 _You also notice; there is nothing familiar about the man in front of you._

"Do you think I'll be able to go home soon?" You ask abruptly, startling him.

"Yeah, the doctors say you should be fine to go home tomorrow."

You nod, understanding. "Are my parents coming to get me?

You watch his eyes widen slightly at your question. _Well who else was going to take you home?_

"No," He starts slowly, looking you in the eye. "You're coming home with me."

What? He can't honestly think that you would leave with him just like that. _You don't know him._ "What?"

"I'm taking you back to our apartment," He explains, giving you a confused look.

"Our apartment?" You repeat, testing the words out for yourself. "Are we roommates are something?"

He looks at you sternly. "That isn't funny, Y/N."

Well you weren't trying to be. How the hell does he know you? And where are your parents? They should be here, if only so they can drag this stranger out of here. The look he's giving you is so intense, that you feel the sudden urge to pull the thick hospital blanket over your face. "I wasn't trying to be funny," You mumble out instead, holding his stare.

His face turns angry at that. "Then what the hell are you trying to pull? Why are you acting like you don't know who I am?"

Perhaps you should be more cautious of his feelings; you obviously mean something to him. But you don't know who he is, and you don't feel particularly inclined to take what he wants into account. Still you could have chosen your words more carefully.

"Because I don't."

His breath hitches in his throat. You feel incredibly guilty.

~~.~~

The apartment isn't what you were expecting. Not that you had a clear picture in your mind or anything, but still it feels different, in the way that nothing about it feels familiar to you. The drive here was filled with a stiff silence that neither you nor Yoongi wanted to be the first to break. . The doctor had informed you of your relationship and you really had no choice but to believe it, yet that didn't make the situation any less awkward. You had questions for him sure, but you had no idea how to ask him without making things tenser between you. He doesn't seem angry, more confused verging on frustrated, and you have no idea how to help him. You're not even sure if you want to, you don't owe him anything

Well, nothing that you're aware of.

You stand in the large front room staring at the walls around you. There's a single shelf running half way up the expanse of one of the walls. You step closer to it, noticing how Yoongi reluctantly stands behind you; you can feel his eyes boring into the back of your head as you take in the items in front of you. For the most part the shelf is filled with awards and pictures of Yoongi with six other boys, one photo in particular catches your eye. All seven on them are standing hands on each other's shoulders illuminated by a bright light behind them. Each is grinning as a cascade of confetti falls over top of them; you glance at Yoongi, taking in his sombre expression, a complete contrast to the photo, with interest. It's strange to see him look so happy.

You're about to ask him about the awards when your eyes land on another few photos smaller than the others. You stare at them closely, recognising yours and Yoongi's face immediately. It's an obvious couple photo; his arms are wrapped around your waist as he places a sloppy kiss against your cheek. You stare at your own face; you look so incredibly happy with your mouth stretched into a wide grin causing your eyes to crinkle as you lean into him. You continue to stare at it, trying to remember anything, but your mind continues to be a blank to everything that involves Yoongi. You step back with a sigh, your feelings conflicted.

"Yoongi?"

He hums, stepping closer letting you know you have his attention.

"Were we together?"

He tries not to react over your use of were instead of are, you still are too him, memory loss or not.

He glances at the photos, remembering each day they were taken. He smiles fondly, remembering how happy the two of you were. "Yeah."

You nod slowly, letting him know you understand. You step towards the photos again, another having caught your eye. You pick it up, staring at the man with pale purple hair grinning with a somewhat boxy smile into the camera next to you.

You smile. He's cute.

"Who's this?" You ask, showing Yoongi the picture.

"That's Taehyung," He pauses, looking at your face. "You're best friends."

You look at the picture again, your tongue rolling awkwardly over the name. "Tae-hyung."

Yoongi smiles at your slight struggle. "You call him TaeTae."

You laugh at the nickname, placing the frame back on the shelf. "Sounds like me."

Both of you are silent after that, staring at each other neither sure what to do now. You look around the apartment, realising that you've only seen this room.

"So," You begin, not wanting to make the situation awkward. "How many bedrooms does that place have?"

He stares at you silently; you desperately want to know what he's thinking. He's quiet for so long you think he's never going to answer you when he sighs walking towards the hallway urging you to follow him. He stops outside a door and pushes it open. The room is pretty bare save for a king sized bed, a desk and some drawers.

"This is our bedroom. The other one is occupied -," He stops, glancing at you quickly almost unsure how to continue, "-with, other things."

You raise an eyebrow at his vagueness. _Dear god, you two don't have a kid together or something do you?_

You shake your head immediately, ridding yourself of such ridiculous thoughts.

He notices your panic, and continues. "You can sleep in here, I'll take the couch."

You nod, too exhausted to try and argue with him and step into the room. You walk straight over to the bed glancing around quickly feeling out of place.

"Y/N?"

You glance up to see Yoongi still standing in the doorway, his expression unreadable as he looks at you.

"Yeah?"

"I'd like to take you somewhere tomorrow, if you don't mind."

The only way you can describe his expression is guarded, but from what you're not sure.

"Sure," You smile. "What did you have planned?"

He smiles slightly, though his eyes don't soften. "There are some people that want to see you."

He leaves you then, shutting the door quietly as he walks back out into the front room.

You collapse on the large bed, still feeling weak after lying in the hospital bed for weeks. You stare around the room trying to find anything that connects with your empty brain. You sigh in frustration pulling your body back off the bed and trudge over to the light switch, flicking it off and making your way back to the sanctuary of the bed. You yank off your jeans and jacket before snuggling in under the covers. You breathe in deeply the scent of espresso and leather, mixed in with something distinctly feminine that you can't quite place. You feel strangely comforted as you slip into an exhausted, dreamless sleep.

 **Yoongi P.O.V**

They had told him that your memory might be hazy after the accident, something about blood in the brain. But this was beyond anything that he had prepared for. The fact that you don't remember him at all has caused a hole to open up within him that he doesn't have a clue how to start filling.

They'd said something about traumatic amnesia. The bleeding in your temporal lobe caused by the accident caused you to loose parts of your life. Two things are certain; you remember who you are, but you don't remember him. As far as he can tell you've only lost two years, which in any other case wouldn't be considered the worst scenario, but those two years were filled to the brim with him and he has no idea how to start helping you remember.

He paces around the apartment, his feet shuffling over the wood boards that line the floor, doing his best to stay quiet so you don't here, yet still needing to do something.

He grabs his phone from his pocket, jamming his finger on a contact and holding it to his ear, almost screaming as the dial tone seems to drag on forever. He's about to hang up and throw the phone across the room in frustration when a sleepy voice answers.

"Hyung?"

He breaths in deeply, steeling himself for the words he needs to say.

"Tae…" He pauses, knowing he's about to crush his whole world. "Tae, she doesn't remember."


	2. Chapter 2

**I don't even know what this is, honestly..**

~~.~~

 **Y/N P.O.V**

You hear muffled whispering coming from the other side of the door, you know they're talking about you and it irks you that they can't just talk about you while you're actually present. Yoongi has been tiptoeing around you, trying desperately to be around you but at the same time not wanting to smother you. You know that it's hurting him that you don't remember, but honestly what does he expect you to do? It's not like you planned on losing your memory, these things just happen... Apparently.

You shift from foot to foot as your frustration rises over being left out here. Yoongi said he'd be a minute, but you look down at your phone and see it's been almost ten. You huff, placing your ear against the door to try and hear them better. You sigh; you're not going to hear anything like this. As quietly as you can you open the door to see in, congratulating yourself silently as their voices immediately flow into your ears now that the door barrier is extinguished.

"It's just different," Yoongi sighs, running his hands over his face; you've noticed he does that a lot especially when he's frustrated about something, mostly you. He stands almost with his back to you, as the other members face towards you. You look over each of their faces, hoping that something might inspire a memory or a thought, anything. But there is nothing, not even a spark.

"Do you think she's ready?" The tall one with an almost laughable pastel blue bowl cut asks. On anyone else it would have looked ridiculous, but for some reason that is beyond your comprehension, he manages to pull it off.

"I don't think she ever will be," Yoongi replies, his shoulders slumped.

"Have you told her anything?" The one with orange hair asks.

 _Why do they all have dyed hair?_

Yoongi turns to him, and even from your position you can tell his eyes are hard. "What would I tell her?"

They all stare at him with pity clear on their faces. "So what do you expect us to do today?" The blue haired one asks.

Yoongi sighs. "I figured we'd tell her together and then I'd take her to the studio."

Studio? What does he mean by studio?

You glance back at them then, your eyes making contact with the one with blonde hair a bit more natural than Yoongi's that looks so fluffy you could ran your hands through it. He's looking at you curiously, and you feel unable to look away. He looks familiar, not in the sense that you know him, but you feel as though you've seen his face before. You remember the photo on the shelf of you and a red haired boy that Yoongi said was your best friend, you stare at the blonde in front of you, sure that it is the same guy. _Taehyung_. He winks at you and you duck your head quickly to hide the blush growing over your cheeks. You can't believe you got caught snooping, Yoongi had specifically told you to wait outside for him to get you and yet here you are eavesdropping. You look up again as Taehyung taps Yoongi on the arm, pointing in your direction.

His unexpectedly deep voice makes its way to your ears, sending shivers tingling down your spine. "Seems we have an eavesdropper." He winks at you again, his eyes shining with silent laughter as if the two of you were the only ones clued in to some secret. You feel your blush deepening into an unattractive red as you step fully into the room, facing the seven of them head on.

Your eyes land on Yoongi first, interested to see how he would react. His face is a blank mask as he makes his way slowly towards you. You watch as he holds out his hand to you causing your eyes to shift down to it before staring back into his. Does he really expect you to take it? It's probably what you would normally do, but you have no idea what normal is anymore, so you offer him a small smile that makes his face drop slightly as he walks next to you over to the others.

You watch their faces, each showing you just how wrong your decision was. _How unnatural._ You brush it off, instead conjuring up a bright smile and directing it at each of them in turn.

"Y/N…" Yoongi begins bringing your attention to the boy with striking orange hair. "This is Jimin."

You smile wider upon hearing his name. He's a nice looks guy, you notice, they all are. He steps towards you with his arms outstretched before his step falters as he realises what he's doing. He looks awkward as he stands there not sure what to do. You weren't planning on being so friendly with them all so soon, but you decide, why the hell not? And step forward into his arms allowing him to hug you. He lets out a relieved breath and wraps his arms around you, rubbing your back slowly before pulling away. "I'm glad you're okay, Y/N."

"This is Jungkook," Yoongi states next, gesturing to the man beside Jimin. There's an edge to his voice and you figured he's just trying to get you away from Jimin as quickly as possible. The man he points to has dark brown hair, covered with a red beanie and a pretty, youthful face.

"He-," You begin, when his arms are suddenly around you, crushing you tightly against his chest. You're stunned by his forwardness, but find yourself leaning into his touch, his body heat oddly comforting as it radiates through his shirt.

"Y/N," He breaths into your hair before he's being pulled away leaving you feeling cold.

"Easy Jungkook. She doesn't even know who you are remember, give her some space," The pale blue haired speaks – the one who pulled Jungkook off you.

You stare at Jungkook, to see him grinning at you, completely ignoring the other boys. You can't help but grin back, thankful to him for treating you the same as you assume he did before you forgot him. You glance at Yoongi, to see him glaring at Jungkook, who doesn't seem to notice. He looks at you, realising you're staring at him and gives you a small smile which you try to return, you're not trying to make him uncomfortable. He clears his throat then, speeding up the introductions.

"This is Jin," He points to a tall handsome man.

"Hey," You both say at the same time, before breaking into warm smiles.

Yoongi moves on. "This is Namjoon." He gestures to the one with the pastel blue hair, finally giving you a name.

He gives you a cheeky wink, causing a blush to spread across your cheeks. "Hey."

"And Hoseok," He points to the black haired man in a horrendous striped turtleneck top sweater that he also manages to pull off.

"It's nice to see you, Y/N," He says politely, his voice jumping up and down like a song.

You smile at him in return, turning yourself to face the last of them.

You see Yoongi hesitate slightly before opening his mouth. "And this is-,"

"Taehyung," You finish for him, silently congratulating yourself for not stumbling.

They all stare at you with shocked expressions; but you continue to stare at Taehyung noticing his eyes are unusually wide.

"Y/N?"

You open your mouth to speak up when a sigh comes from Yoongi by your side.

"She doesn't actually remember you, Tae," The blondes face falls at that. "She saw a picture of you two last night; I told her who you were." He finishes with a shrug as if it doesn't matter.

Everyone is silent for a minute before Taehyung scratches the back of his head as he laughs not seeming bothered by the information. "Well I was hoping that you secretly forgot the others and not me, but that's okay." He takes two steps forward, wrapping him up in your arms. You struggle to wrap your arms around him fast enough, feeling more at ease around him than any of the others. He nuzzles his face into your neck, mumbling, "I'm just so glad you're okay, Y/N/N."

He moves back, giving you space so he can judge your reaction, you stare at him in shock. Not because of his actions, but because of the part of you that never wanted him to let go. You stare at the seven of them in turn as you attempt to get you confusing emotions under control. They all turn their head to look at Yoongi then, wondering what they're supposed to do next. For a second Yoongi looks conflicted, as if he's not sure which direction he wants to go in next, but with the weight of seven gazes on him he sighs and walks away from you to stand with the others.

"Yoongi," You begin, unsure. The look on his face causes the words to catch in your throat, rendering you silent.

"Y/N," He begins glancing to Namjoon beside him, his expression unsure. He breathes in deeply. "As I told you we've been dating for two years." You feel the gazes of the other boys on you as you take in the information once again, you feel self-conscious under their eyes, still not feeling comfortable with the situation you've found yourself in. But you nod anyway, to let him know you understand.

He continues. "Taehyung is your best friend."

You glance at the blonde boy who gives you a thumbs up with a grin. You fight the urge to grin back at him, not feeling as through that would be the right reaction with Yoongi standing there. You nod again instead, realising that Yoongi is waiting for your reply. You're nervous, where exactly is he going with this? How does you been in a relationship with Yoongi and best friends with Taehyung bring five more men into the equation?

You gulp, are they a gang or something?

Yoongi notices your distress and hurries to finish, wanting to get this over with. He gestures to the others around him. "And we are Bangtan Sonyeondan."

What?

You cock an eyebrow up, your face twisted in confusion. "Excuse me."

You see Taehyung and Jungkook trying to muffle their laughter at your reaction. You turn to them, silencing them with your gaze. "What is that?"

Namjoon steps forward, looking at Yoongi who nods as if allowing Namjoon to speak. He looks at you, his dark eyes intense yet friendly. "We're a K-pop idol group, formed five years ago. We met you a year after our debut, and you've been with us ever since."

"K-pop," You repeat unsure. Well at least now the fashion and hair isn't so surprising. But why would an idol group want to hang around with you? What makes you so special? "Okay."

You want to say more but the door is suddenly pushed open revealing an older man standing in the doorway staring at all of you. He takes in the situation and looks at his phone. "Boys I need you in the practice room now."

They nod before looking back at you with reassuring smiles. You're unsure of what is happening as they give you short hugs and make their way out of the room without another word, leaving you standing there with Yoongi.

"What's going on?"

"They've gone to practice the new choreography. I've been let off for today, for obvious reasons."

You don't want to keep him from his work, don't want to be an 'obvious reason' that he can't do his job. You make a show of looking at ease, as if your surroundings aren't putting you on edge. "You should go with them, I'm fine."

He gives you an incredulous look. "I'm not leaving you by yourself."

Does he not realise you're trying to help him? You don't want him to get in trouble because of you.

"Its fine," You smile slightly in an attempt to convince him. "I'm fine."

"No you're not!" His voice is loud as he loses his cool, glaring at you with hard eyes.

You flinch back at his tone and he works to make his face neutral immediately taking a step towards you. He opens his mouth to say something but you put your hand up silencing him. You assume he's going to apologise.

"Please don't. It's okay."

He doesn't make another move towards you, instead looking around the room to try and find a way to dispel the tension between you. He looks unsure as he looks back at you.

"Can I show you around?"

You nod.

~~.~~

You complete a full turn in the plush black office chair. The material practically sucking you into it making you never want to stand up again. Yoongi sits on the edge of his desk watching you as you take in the expanse of the room.

"So this is where you produce music," You state, trying to make sense of the information he's just given you.

He nods, trying not to give you too much information at once yet still wanting to tell you everything. The longer he stares at you sitting in a chair that you've sat in over a hundred times pulls at something within him and he's not sure how much longer he'll be able to hold back.

"So…" You begin again, is he going to give you anything or is he just going to sit there staring at you? "So, you're a rapper."

"Yes." He nods.

"And you're in an idol group."

"Yes."

"And how do I fit into the equation exactly?"

He sighs, running a hand through his hair and you wonder what he's thinking. You understand it must be frustrating for him, but it's even harder for you. You need the information to be able to make decisions.

"We met here. You were interning and we were one of the groups you were designated to 'look after' in a sense. We began dating a few months into your internship."

It's your turn to nod showing you understand why you try and get our thoughts together.

It's true it had always been your dream to intern and eventually get a job at one of the major music corporations, but you can't believe it actually happened. And to think you began dating an idol along the way.

You did good.

"How long have we been together?" You can't help but be frightened of the answer.

His face is a blank mask as he answers. "Almost three years."

Your breath hitches in your throat. You've lost three years? The fact that you lost your memory was troublesome enough but to find out that you have lost so much time, so much Yoongi and the other boys, you feel the room spin around you and suddenly there is nothing to catch you as the air rushes past your face as you fall from the chair.

 **Yoongi P.O.V**

She looks up, her eyes fearful as she speaks.

"How long have we been together?"

It's the question he did not want to answer. You hadn't seemed that upset about the whole memory loss thing, but he'd put it down to you not being aware of how much time you'd actually lost. And now you sit in front of him, in a chair that the both of you made your own and he's scared. Because what if now you don't feel the same, that the spark you two had is gone and he has no idea how to get it back.

He swallows, making sure to keep his face neutral; you don't need to know how much this affects him. "Almost three years."

Your breath hitches in your throat as your eyes go wide. Fuck, he should have lied, said anything but the truth. He's scrambling for a way to salvage this when your hand slips from the armrest and you begin falling towards the floor. He reacts fast, slipping off the desk quickly and places his arms under you, catch your fall.

"Y/N?"

You open your eyes and stare up at him, neither of you moving, both unsure as to what to do.

He knows he shouldn't. Knows that it's way too soon to be thinking about doing anything of the sort. But the way you're staring up at him, all confused and shaking slightly, and it's been so long since he's just held you like this and he can't stop himself.

Before he's even made up his mind he's leaning down towards you, his face only inches from yours and when you do nothing to stop him he leans in quicker and connects his lips with yours.

Its bliss for all of three seconds, as you gently part your lips for him and he wraps his arms tighter around you, before you're pushing him back and moving away from his touch.

He keeps his face blank, not allowing you even a glimpse into what he's feeling. He can't believe he just did that, pushed you like that. He has no idea how he's going to get you to trust him now.

"Yoongi.." Your voice is like a knife to the heart, so full of apologetic pity. He doesn't want that, not from you.

"Please, just don't say anything," He breathes, hoping to keep what's left of him in one piece.

"No."

Your voice is so final that he looks straight up into your hard eyes.

"You don't just get to kiss me and then tell me not to say anything," You say. He knows you're right. Of course you are.

He sits, waiting for you to continue. He knows there's more, there always is with you.

You breathe out, looking slightly to the side of his face.

"Yoongi, I'm sorry," He watches as you pauses, trying to collect your thoughts, the ones that he's sure will shatter him. "But I don't feel the same way."

He always knew you'd break his heart, though he'd never imagined it would happen like this.


	3. Chapter 3

**Oh to have so many choices...**

~~.~~

The atmosphere between Yoongi and you has been tense for the days following the kiss. You didn't want it to change things, but from where you stand you feel as though Yoongi is doing everything in is power to avoid you, which in turn only makes you uncomfortable. And what does he really hope to accomplish anyway? You're living with him for the time being, every morning you eat breakfast at the same table, him avoiding all eye contact and you huffing under your breath at his attitude. How is that going to make things better?

At the moment he's sitting across from you, coffee steaming beside him, headphones on as he types continuously, almost frantically on his laptop.

You watch him, silently urging him to make eye contact with you, even though you know it's a futile wish. You're confused because how does he expect to make things better if he remains so hell bent on not speaking to you?

You drum your fingers lightly against your coffee cup; waiting to see if he's is going to tell you what the plan is for today. Sure you could leave and go do your own thing, your parents have been calling you every few hours that you've ignored, and maybe you could call them back. But all you really want to do is go to BigHit and see the boys.

You finally open your mouth to ask Yoongi, when he removes his headphones and stands up, not giving you a chance to say anything before he walks out of the room. You shut your mouth, finishing off the coffee in your cup quickly before taking it to the sink. You wait in the kitchen for him to come back out, which thankfully he does ten minutes later with a bag in hand.

You watch as he packs up his laptop. Is he going to say anything?

He pats his pockets, making sure he has everything he needs before looking at you.

"I have to go to the studio." He stops, looking as if he's not sure if he should ask. "Did you want to come?"

You almost sigh in relief. You really want to see Tae.

"Sure."

~~.~~

You sit with Yoongi at one of the tables bored out of your mind as he talks on the phone to one of his managers.

"Right now?" He asks, glancing at you hesitantly.

You hear a muffled voice say something on the other end of the line.

"No. No it's fine," Yoongi responds, running a hand through his hair. "I'll figure it out."

The muffled voice sounds more insistent this time.

"I know," Yoongi sounds frustrated now, his tone harder. "I'll be there in ten minutes."

He hangs up then and you watch on curiously as he runs his hands over his face, mumbling words under his breath that you can't quite catch.

"Yoongi?"

His eyes find yours with a worried look in his dark irises. "I have to go meet with my manager."

You furrow your brow. Immediately worried that he's gotten in trouble because of you. "Is everything alright?"

He smiles slightly. "Yeah, I just need to go over some music with him."

"Okay, well," You look around, not sure what to do with yourself now. "Are any of the boys here?"

He begins packing up his stuff. "Tae and Jungkook should be down the hall. They usually watch movies when we have a free day."

You perk up at that. Perfect.

He leads you down a corridor before stopping in front of one that is muffling the noises coming from the other side. He knocks sharply and waits. You glance to the side at him, noticing the way he shifts from foot to foot. You want to ask him why he's so anxious but the door is pulled open revealing a bright eyed Taehyung.

"Y/N!" He yells excitedly over the booming noise from the television.

"Hey Tae," You greet warmly.

"Is that Y/N?" You hear who you assume is Jungkook yell from somewhere in the room.

"Yeah, Jungkookie," Tae yells back. You can't help but smile at the endearing nickname he used.

"Well invite her in," Is shouted back, making you chuckle.

Tae rolls his eyes and finally glances at Yoongi. "So what's up, hyung?"

"I have to go meet the manager, so Y/N is going to hang with you guys for a bit." You try not to focus on the dry tone of Yoongi's words.

Tae's grin grows as he walks back into the room, rattling on about what movies you want to watch or if you'd prefer to play video games, something about you needing to get better at them, as he expects you to follow behind him.

You give Yoongi a small smile and step past him into the room, when you're stopped by a hand on your wrist, causing you to look back into his dark worried eyes.

"Are you going to be okay?"

You smile fondly at him; you know he's only trying to look out for you.

"I'm fine, Yoongi. I'll see you later."

At that he nods; let's go of your wrist and walks away.

You watch him go until he rounds the corner out of sight and shut the door, joining the other two.

You end up sitting between the two of them on the couch a bowl of chips in your lap and controller in hand.

Jungkook starts up the game and you all sit forward slightly waiting for the start menu to open. They'd decided you would verse Tae first and then the winner will verse Jungkook. Tae seems smug beside you, confidence practically radiating off of him in waves. You bump his shoulder with yours playfully.

"You really think you're going to beat me, Taetae?"

His grin grows at the sound of the nickname that only you use. "Oh, I really do."

You narrow your eyes at him before looking back at the television, you need to concentrate. "We'll see."

After two games, one being the original and the second being a rematch that you insisted on because you were convinced Tae cheated in the first game, you find yourself sitting back against the couch swallowing the bitter pill of defeat.

"Geez, Y/N. It's like you've never played this game before, you really suck," Jungkook states, before closing his mouth with a snap as he realises what he'd said. "Sorry," He mumbles, when you and Tae just stare at him.

Tae coughs awkwardly as you nudge Jungkook urging him to start the game.

"Come on, Kookie. I want to see you beat him."

Jungkook grins back at you, his eyes shining bright.

As it turns out Tae is some kind of god when it comes to video games and after three whole games Jungkook throws his controller to the floor in frustration. "You use that move every single time!"

Tae leans back on the couch, his expression smug. "Why mess with a good thing?"

Jungkook scoffs, opening his mouth to reply when his phone starts ringing. He excuses himself from the room leaving just the two of you.

"You need to teach me how to play these games."

"But I like beating you too much."

You laugh, punching him in the arm when Jungkook walks back in.

"That was Jimin I have to go."

"You should have invited him to join us," You say, you're eager to get to know all of them better.

"He needs me for something, so he can't," He replies, scratching the back of his neck.

"Oh okay, well maybe next time then."

He smiles, before walking out leaving you and Tae alone again.

"So, what do you want to do now?"

You think for a second, your eyes scanning over the titles of large collection of dvds in the shelves on either side of the television. "Can we watch a movie?"

He nods, getting up and crouching down in front of the screen. "Anything in particular?"

"How about a horror?"

He's quiet as he looks through the cases, as if he's looking for one in particular. He finds what he's looking for with a 'ha' and holds if up for you to see. "Silent Hill?"

"Perfect."

He sets it up and comes to sit back beside you again.

"It feels like so long since we last did this," He says, reaching into the bowl of chips between you.

You smile because it's becoming all too easy to forget that you don't know him.

He continues as the movie starts. "I mean even before, well you know, we stopped doing this."

You look over at him, not sure what he means.

He notices your gaze and shrugs sheepishly. "I guess I just missed it is all. It's nice to have you back from Yoongi for a bit."

You stay silent, because what can you say to that? You have no idea what was going on with you and any of the boys prior to the accident, yet clearly something is weighing on Tae's mind. You shift closer to him, moving the bowl onto his lap so you can sit beside him. You notice the way he stiffens, his hands clenching around the bowl but you choose to ignore it.

There is some part of you that is driving you to be close to him, and you'll be damned if you let a little nervousness or whatever is up with him get in the way.

"Let's just watch the movie."

It's an hour into the movie when you feel your eyes beginning to shut. You wonder what the time is and if Jungkook said whether he was coming back. Your head lolls forward slightly causing you to snap it back up; Tae looks over at you curiously but says nothing.

You smile sleepily at him; he turns back to the screen reassured that you're fine.

You use this time to stare at the side of his face. Watching the way his eyes remain trained on the screen. Screams are making their way to your ears and you notice the way his eyes widen slightly and it's the only indication that what he's seeing is affecting him. You hear the ripping of flesh and the cackles of the characters followed by his sharp intake of breath. You smile at that, you didn't think he was the type to get scared from these types of movies.

You lean your head against his shoulder then and he moves his arm out of the way so you're comfortable. He places it over your shoulders and hesitates briefly before you reach up and grab it, cradling it in your hands. You're sure you've done this before, you're best friends after all, but you can't help but wonder why he seems so reluctant on being close to you.

It takes him a few minutes to relax completely as you mould perfectly into his side. He watches the movie in silence but you find you're no longer interested in it as you focus on his breathing. Your head rises and falls with him and he squeezes your fingers slightly when a noise from the movie makes you gasp, as if to reassure you.

Your stomach flips at the contact and you're not sure if it's from feelings you had prior to the accident or if this is something new but can't help but feel excited, if a little apprehensive at the way he's making you feel. You wonder if he's aware of it and that's why he was keeping his distance. You're supposed to be with Yoongi after all and yet here you are snuggled up against the man who's supposed to be your best friend and having thoughts about him being something so much more.

You wonder if this is what it's like to love someone.

You're shocked at your own thoughts. You don't even know him but yet you can see yourself loving Tae. It would be so easy. He's comfortable without being clingy and caring without being overbearing. Yeah, you could see yourself with him. And maybe that's wrong, because he's your best friend and you're supposed to be with Yoongi. But maybe this is what is meant to happen. Maybe if you think about it, the accident was the best thing that could have happened.

You can't help but wonder what your relationship with him was really like before you forgot. Wonder if there were ever any sparks or tense moments between the two of you when something might have almost happened. Of course the two of you would have stopped before anything like that, otherwise why would you be with Yoongi?

You think that maybe you should feel guilty. Yoongi has done nothing but try and help you through what's happened, tried his best to be there for you when all you feel is lost. And yet you know that something isn't right. You feel nothing close to love when you're with him and yet you must have loved him, why else would you be living with him?

You feel your eyes closing again and this time you don't try to stop them. Because if you're being honest with yourself right this second, you're not sure how you could ever love Yoongi. And you find yourself wondering if you've really loved Taehyung all this time.

 **Yoongi P.O.V**

He's frustrated from his meeting with the manager. Nothing he seemed to do was what the manager wanted. He'd been up the last two nights trying to finish a song for the new album and the manager had shot it down just like that. He'd said something about it feeling shallow and the lyrics not fitting in with the music. But what does he expect? It's not like Yoongi has a clear head at the moment.

He sighs in frustration as he walks down the corridor, he wonders if you've had a good day.

He feels guilty for avoiding you after he slipped up and kissed you, but he's not sure what else he can do. He wants to be there for you and yet being there for you is what hurts him the most. He knows that it isn't about him and that you need more time to be comfortable in the situation you've all found yourself in, but he's not sure how long he can see you like this and not be able to do anything to help.

He stops in front of the door and knocks, waiting a few seconds when he receives no answer. He hopes you're still in here and Tae hasn't taken you out somewhere without telling him first. He sighs and opens the door, hearing music playing as the credits roll on the television. He walks further into the room and spots the two of you immediately.

He tries to ignore the painful twist in his guy as he notices your head resting against Tae's shoulder, his arm wrapped around you tightly to hold you against him. You're holding Tae's hand and he tries not to get mad, because you two have always been close like this, but so have you and him and yet you've been acting like you can't stand to be around him.

His hands curl into fists at his sides and he hisses under his breath as his nails dig painfully into his skin, jealousy flaring within him. He walks out of the room quickly, pulling his phone out of his pocket and typing a quick text.

 _To Tae:_

 _The meeting's running late. Can you drop Y/N at the apartment? Tell her I'll see her there later._

Before he shoves the phone back into this jeans and stomps down the hall, his heart clenching painfully in his aching chest.

Why can't you love him?


	4. Chapter 4

"Can we go out?"

Yoongi looks up at you from his laptop, his face bordering on annoyance as if you had disturbed him. "You want to go out?"

You laugh softly. "Of course."

He pushes his laptop to the side, resting his chin in his hands as he looks at you properly. Things have been tense between the two of you since you spent the day with Tae. Even more so than after the kiss and you're eager to find out why. You want to know him, and yet he's been almost reluctant to tell you anything that went on between the two of you.

"Where do you want to go?" He asks suddenly, bringing you out of your thoughts.

"I thought perhaps you'd know a place," You prompt, beginning to pick up your things.

He smiles slightly, almost to himself as if remembering something. "I might know a place.

"Great, then let's go." You're eager to get out into the city.

He ends up taking you to a café on a busy street in Seoul. You sit opposite him, your coffee steaming in front of you, neither of you speaking.

You catch his eye as he glances at you and you smile, if it's in an effort to reassure him or yourself you're not quite sure.

"Are you nervous?" You ask, watching as his eyes widen slightly at the blunt question.

He takes a sip of his own coffee, never taking his eyes off you. "In a way."

Of course he's going to be coy.

You sigh, why can't they just give you straight answers? "That doesn't help me, Yoongi."

He lets out a long breath, his eyes flitting from your face quickly before coming back to you. He looks reluctant to tell you what he's thinking. You're getting ready to say something else when he finally speaks. "I'm sorry."

You were not expecting an apology and so it stumps you. "W-What?"

"I'm sorry," He repeats, more confidence in his words. "I've wanted to tell you that for weeks now, and every time I saw you I never could."

You lean forward, looking right into his eyes. "Why are you apologizing to me, Yoongi?"

You're not sure why but you feel as though he's sorry for a lot more than keeping you at arm's length. He suddenly pushes away from the table, his back resting against the chair. You cock an eyebrow, unsure as to how to proceed.

He doesn't speak for a minute before he mumbles, almost to himself. "When did things get so screwed up?"

You try to stifle your laugh with your hand but he hears it, lifting his head back up to look at you. "Well I don't know, Yoongi. I forgot, remember?"

His eye burn with an intensity that makes you shut your mouth with a snap, no longer thinking that half-hearted joking is the best way to go.

"Don't joke about it," He snaps.

Your eyes widen at the harshness in his tone. This is what you don't understand about him. His unwillingness to open up only confuses you as your head reels to find out why he's doing it in the first place. From what you've actually managed to get out of the boys, the two of you have been living together and dating for two years.

So was he always like this? Was part of him always closed off from you even when you were dating, when you remembered him? How could you live like that?

Why would you want to live like that?

You shake your head to dispel the thoughts, no sense in thinking about it now, not when he's sitting there staring at you with such intensity. You decide to not let him faze you again, instead you straighten your shoulders and stare into his eyes, your own holding a challenge that you desperately hope he'll rise to.

"Why not? Who are you to tell me what I can and can't say?" You're surprised by the intensity of your own voice, but from where you sit it does nothing to faze him.

He sucks in a breath, taking his time before he leans forward not wanting other customers to hear the conversation. "Why are you being like this?"

You can't believe it. You lean away from him in frustration, slapping your hands onto the table. "How am I supposed to be, Yoongi? Please tell me, because I haven't got a clue."

His eyes look to the other customers, hoping none of them are listening to your outburst. You scoff, that's really what he's worried about right now?

"Look, can we not do this right now? You asked to go out, so here we are," He runs his hand through his hair sighing. "Can't we just enjoy our time together?"

You scoff again, but say nothing instead leaning back in your chair and staring just to the side of his face. When he realises you're not going to speak again he huffs, his eyes remain hard as he stares at you.

"Please…"

You hate that the softness of his tone causes your stomach to flip. To your knowledge you've known him for all of a few weeks, it's not right that he has this kind of effect on you. Still you put on a smile, because you know it's what he wants, you know you can give him at least that much.

You watch as his face softens, giving him an almost boyish aura that you never could have imagined he could have pulled off. He smiles back at you, just a slight quirk of his lips, but you don't miss it.

"I miss you," He says suddenly startling you out of the quiet that had settled over the two of you.

"Yoongi…" You breathe, unsure as to how you're supposed to react to his words.

"I'm sorry and I miss you."

You shake your head slowly; you cannot deal with this right now. How can he go from one extreme to the other so quickly? So instead you finish off your drink in one large gulp and push back from the table. "Let's go for a walk."

He looks surprised before standing up, gesturing for you to lead the way.

You end up walking away from the city into a place that strikes no familiarity within you. You glance at Yoongi, to find him at ease, though in all fairness you can't tell much about how he feels with his facemask on and cap pulled down over his eyes. You hate that for you to go out he has to cover up his very identity, but you get it.

Consequences of the job.

Neither of you say anything as you walk side by side down the footpath. You wish that he would start a conversation, at least show a tiny bit of interest in you, but he remains as silent as ever. Eventually you huff, having had enough.

"Okay, let's go back."

He turns to you and stops and you can only assume he's looking at you as you turn your head away, looking into the park running beside you.

He lifts his hat a bit so you can see his dark eyes; as usual they give nothing away. He opens his mouth when a shrill sound stops him from speaking. He rolls his eyes and reaches into his pocket for the source of the noise. He looks at the caller ID on his phone and sighs, pressing it reluctantly to his ear.

"Yes?"

He listens for a second with a bored expression as if he was expecting it.

"Okay, I'll be there soon."

And with that he hangs up, looking back at you.

"I have to go back to the studio."

You nod in understanding as you think, weighing up your options between going back to the apartment or going with him. Eventually you decide.

"Okay, I'll just hang with Tae then."

His eyes flash at the mention of the blonde haired man, but he does nothing but nod quickly as he begins to lead you back the way you came.

Neither of you say another word as you walk beside each other. He seems to be thinking about something so you leave him be, choosing to become absorbed in your own thoughts. You think about what being around Yoongi is like, whether you feel as though he's someone who you could love, but you find yourself drawing a blank every time.

It's not that you're uncomfortable around him, but it's like something just isn't right. You can speak to him easily enough, but you feel as though he's holding something back from you and that infuriates you to no end. You had a nice time with him today; save for the tense atmosphere of the café, but you still feel as if something was off.

Something was wrong.

~~.~~

"Tae, why was I with Yoongi?"

He pauses the game instantly, turning to you with his mouth hanging open in shock. "W-What?"

You place your controller on the couch and turn to look at him, hoping that he'll open up to you. "I mean, what was so good between Yoongi and I that made us, I don't know, work?"

His forehead furrows in confusion. "Why do you think I would know that?"

You smile, but it doesn't reach your eyes. "Tae, we're best friends." You say as if it was obvious. You're sure you would have talked to him about your relationship with Yoongi.

He nods, as if accepting your answer. "I guess it's like that saying, opposites attract."

You stay quiet for a minute thinking it over. You can see what he means; you yourself have been feeling as though you and Yoongi couldn't be more different. You can't help but compare him to Tae every time, and you know that that will only spell disaster.

"He apologised to me today," You didn't mean to say the words, but you found them spilling out of you. "He said he's sorry and that he misses me."

"Did he say what for?"

You shake your head slowly. "No, I changed the subject."

"Is it because you didn't want to know?"

You sit back against the couch, looking at the television. "Honestly it reminded me of when I was at the hospital." He looks confused, so you continue. "He apologised to me then as well. Said something about me being mad at him and that's why I got hurt. I wish I could remember what happened."

He places his hand on your knee and gives it a reassuring squeeze. "You will."

Your eyes snap back up. "How do you know that?"

He just shrugs a small smile playing on his face which despite everything comforts you. "I have faith."

You laugh, you can't help it, because the line is so cheesy and cliché and you can't ignore the way he puts you at ease. That's what you love about Tae, though you've only known him for a few weeks.

"I'm not so sure," You mumble, looking down.

He places his hand on your shoulder and gives it a reassuring squeeze. He waits until you look back up at him before smiling. "You will, I'm sure of it."

You look at him wearingly, how can he be so positive about the situation? Everything is screwed up and yet he still manages to put on a smile and reassure everyone else that it's going to be okay. You can't help but feel suspicious, is it a way to hide what he's really feeling?

That single thoughts drives you to find out just what kind of person Tae really is, and what he really thinks about all of this.

"Do you think that Yoongi and I will be able to get through this?"

The sudden topic change causes his smile to falter slightly. "Okay, what's with all these questions about Yoongi?"

"Am I not allowed to ask about him?"

"No, it's not like that. I just -," He cuts himself off, shaking his head.

"It's what, Tae?" You press, eager for the information.

"It's nothing. It doesn't matter."

"It matters to me!" You shoot back, louder than you had intended. It startles him and you watch his eyes grow conflicted.

Eventually he sighs looking you right in the eye.

"He loves you, Y/N." The way he says it, so full of defeat only causes your suspicions to grow.

"That's what I'm told," You say looking at your hands. Why is this so hard? You take deep breathes, tying to put your thoughts into coherent sentences and find the courage to say them out loud. You look back up at him, your eyes filled with determination.

"But what happens if I can't love him again." He gives you a weird look, you sigh and continue. "Tae every time I'm around him I'm either on edge or annoyed because he won't give me anything. He won't tell me what he's feeling. I can't remember what it was like to love him, and the thing that scares me more than that is the fact that I don't know how I ever could love someone like him."

"Oh, Y/N," The way he breathes your name with such adoration causes your heart rate to pick up and you hope he can't hear it in the tense atmosphere. "I wish you would."

"Why?"

"Because it would make this so much easier."

He's not even looking at you now, seemingly more interested in the wall behind you.

"What are you talking about?"

He shakes his head quickly, as if to dispel his thoughts. "It doesn't matter."

"Yes it does, Tae." You lower your voice, not wanting to turn this into a fight. "Do you understand how frustrating this is for me? I'm trying my hardest to find what I've lost, and yet one of you is stopping me at every turn. Just tell me the truth."

He looks at you then, his eyes burning with a fire that you're not sure is on your side or not. "You want to know the truth?" You nod. "You're with Yoongi."

"I'm not!" You shout again, frustrated. "Have you been listening to a word I've been saying?"

"Of course!" He fires back, voice competing with yours. "But you feel that way because you don't remember!"

"If this is what it's like, then I don't want to remember!"

"Y/N…" His sudden softness throws you off for a second but does not quell the anger inside of you.

"Don't Y/N me, Tae. Why will no one listen to me?" You clench your fists in frustration, before drawing in a breath to try and calm yourself. "Taehyung, I've felt more comfortable in the hours I've spent with you than the days I've spent with Yoongi."

You watch as your words sink in, causing him to furrow his brow slightly.

"With me?" He asks slowly, trying the words for himself. "Why?"

"Do you really have to ask that question?"

He's silent as he thinks it over, because this is a heavy question. Until he finally speaks in a huff. "Yes. Yes I do, because this is screwed up."

"You think I don't know that?" You reply, looking down at your hands resting in your lap. "Everything would be so much easier if I could remember." You glance back up at him to see him staring at you curiously. "You think that I don't want to love him? It hurts me so much to see him like this and not be able to give him the one thing that I know will help."

"Wouldn't it be worse to lie about my feelings for him, then to just say that I have none at all?"

"So what is it that you want?"

You can't help but pick up on the hope that seems to lie in his words. As if he's waiting for you to give him something that he's not sure he's actually going to get.

"I want the feeling I get when I'm with you," You mumble, unsure if you should really be saying this to him when you're supposed to be with Yoongi.

He looks as if he's letting your words sink in, before he looks you right in the eye. "You're sure?"

"Honestly, I'm not sure of anything. But if the only way to keep this feeling is to choose, then I choose you Tae."

He gasps and you give him a small smile to reassure him that you're serious.

"Well then we're pretty screwed, aren't we?"

You laugh as you lean into him and rest your head against his shoulder as his arms wrap themselves around your waist. You breathe deep and slow, feeling more relaxed than you have in weeks just knowing that he feels the same.

"We'll figure this out, Y/N."

You smile, because you know as long as Tae's beside you, everything will be okay.

 **Yoongi P.O.V**

Of course he wasn't going to say anything in front of you. But the fact that your keep choosing Taehyung over him every time you get the chance unnerves him. And he knows that he has other things to do than be with you every second and due to Tae not doing any producing work he has more time for you. But that does nothing to dispel the uneasiness in his stomach.

He kicks the sidewalk in frustration, having left the meeting early because he couldn't focus on anything other than you being with Tae.

If he's being honest he never expected it to be so hard. He thought after you both got over the initial shock of what happened you would remember and come back to him. Unfortunately he's finding that things hardly ever go to plan. Because instead of spending time with him, remembering him, you're more eager to run off to Tae whenever you get the chance and that makes his teeth grind.

Of course you and Tae have always been close, the other members used to joke that the two of you were more fitted for each other than you and him were, and he was always dead set on proving them wrong. Because he loves you and that should be enough.

He pulls his phone out of his jacket and presses your contact, his worry only growing as the line rings before cutting off to voicemail. He shoves it back into this pocket and slows his pace, no longer eager to get back to the dorms. Back to you.

Maybe after all loving someone isn't enough.


	5. Chapter 5

Okay, so I've been on a bit of a hiatus lately. But I'm back now!

I've had half of this chapter written for months and have just been trying to tie it all together, which ended with a monster of a chapter.. So this technically is the last chapter, but I will be posting another, probably shorter chapter, hopefully sometimes soon. (an epilogue of sorts..)

At the start I was planning to give this story two ends (one fluff and one angst..) but I can't go against my roots..

So hopefully you enjoy this..

And also there is no way I'm reading through this again to edit it, so I apologise for any glaring mistakes..

Please leave a review or give it a fav/follow, everything is appreciated (:

"Have I done something to you, Taehyung?"

He turns his head to the older member, unsure as to what he's referring to. The two of them sit at a table pushed towards the back of the room, the other members having left minutes ago for their homes leaving just the two of them and Yoongi's strange question lingering in the room. He only stayed behind because he wanted to ask Yoongi, away from the others, how everything was going with you.

"What are you talking about, hyung?"

Yoongi stares at him, looking for any sign that Tae is hiding more than he wants to let on and eventually breathes out a deep sigh, leaning back in his chair.

"How is she doing?"

Tae gulps slowly hoping that it remains unnoticed. Why would he be asking about you? Sure Tae knows that you've has been struggling to come to terms with everything, but he knows the two of you still communicate. You're still staying in the apartment after all, but he figures it would be worse if he acts coy.

So he shrugs, going for nonchalance. "She's okay, still trying to figure things out, you know?"

Yoongi nods, but how could he know? You don't even talk to him, not about stuff like this. Not about what you're actually feeling. And he knows you talk to Tae, he isn't stupid. So when Tae sits across from him and acts as if none of this is a big deal his blood boils to the point that he's not sure if he's able to quell it. Because Tae has been with you every step of the way because you've let him. You've used him as a pillar of support instead of him and that infuriates him to know end.

And he knows that it's not entirely your fault, but he thought that maybe, just maybe, some of the feelings you used to have for him would still be there close enough to the surface for you to find. Though perhaps he was just relying on a false hope that never should have been there in the first place.

Maybe you should be with Tae.

"Has she talked about me?"

Tae's shocked by the question, and the sudden clenching and unclenching of his hands does not go unnoticed by Yoongi.

What can Tae say? Because of course you've talked about Yoongi. You've opened up to him about how you really feel towards your supposed boyfriend, but he doesn't know what to tell him now. Because it would crush him to know that Tae doesn't think you feel the same way. And while he feels guilty about how things have happened there's another part of him, a darker part, which is thankful that it did.

Still, Yoongi is his bandmate and his best friend. He owes him the truth.

"Yes."

He watches Yoongi's shoulders drop as the tension visibly leaves him. It only makes Tae feel worse.

"She's confused," He continues, not wanting to give Yoongi any false hope. So to say he's confused when the elder's face twisted in anger is an understatement. He flinches back when Yoongi's hands smack down against the table between them.

"Taehyung," He begins, his voice straining through clenched teeth. "I'm asking you as a friend to tell me the truth."

"Hyung-,"

He's suddenly cut off by Yoongi raising his hand. "Don't. Just tell me what is going on between the two of you. Because I can tell you right now that there is nothing going on between the two of us."

He's scared to even breathe as Yoongi's dark eyes stare through him waiting for an answer that he knows he won't want to hear. Because what can he say? Yes, he's in love with his best friend's girlfriend, someone who he told himself for years was off limits, and the he thought he was okay with that. He almost laughs at how unfair this is.

But he can't feel sorry for himself, because it's Yoongi that loses. No matter which way he looks at it Yoongi is the one who suffers the most. None of them know if you'll get your memories back, so there is no way of knowing if you'll ever regret your decision or miss what you used to have with him. And that makes Tae fee worse about his feelings for you.

But he's been in love with you all along. Stayed by your side as a friend because you were interested in Yoongi. Sure he can blame himself for not making his feelings known to you for so long and he has metaphorically kicked himself countless times for introducing you to Yoongi. But he can't change the past and he can't change his feelings for you. But he also knows that his relationship with Yoongi will be hindered if he speaks up about it. Though perhaps it would be worse if he allowed Yoongi to stay suspended in a state of uncertainty when he knows how to tip him one way or the other.

And Yoongi, no matter which way he slices it he will never come out on top. He only has one choice and from what you've told Tae at least, Yoongi needs to accept the two of you. And he's positive that's not going to go over well.

"I'm sorry."

Yoongi's eyes burn with a fire that has Tae shrinking back.

"For what, Taehyung?"

He lowers his head, staring at the specks in the table's surface so he doesn't have to look at the betrayal written all over the elder's face. "You know what."

"I want you to tell me. I want to hear it from your mouth."

"Hyung…"

Yoongi leans away, giving him space to speak. "Just tell me."

He looks back up at him, knowing it will only make it worse if he refuses him eye contact. He breathes in deeply and begins. "She told me she was uncomfortable around you, that she didn't know how to act when you were there."

He stops to gage Yoongi's reaction but the stony expression gracing the elder's face gives nothing away. Only urging for Tae to tell him, to break him.

"I don't want to give you false grieving because it's only early days, but I think she may have feelings for me."

Yoongi scoffs. "You say that as if you don't reciprocate her feelings."

"You're right," He runs his hand through his light hair in an effort to stall. "I love her. And you have no idea how hard it was for me to stay on the sidelines while I watched the two of you live the life that I always wished I could live with her."

He's not surprised by the look of confusion that crossed Yoongi's face at his words. Of course he never told him; never even let it be known that he had loved you all this time. He wanted his two friends to be happy, he really did. And before he was fine to allow them to be together because that is what made the two of them happy, even if it caused him pain. But now, with this opportunity presented right in front of him, he doesn't think he's a good enough person to allow it to slip by.

He's had enough pain.

And that's not to say that he doesn't feel bad about what he's doing to Yoongi, but it's about time he started putting himself first.

Yoongi's brow furrows as he tries to think of a reply to Tae's declaration.

"So you love her," He states eventually, disturbing the lull that had settled between them. He didn't say it as a question so Tae keeps his mouth closed, forcing Yoongi to continue. "How long?"

"What?"

Yoongi's eyes darken as Tae watches him. "How long have you been in love with her, Taehyung?"

He gulps. "Since before I introduced her to you."

"You asshole!"

He jumps back at the harshness in Yoongi's tone, wondering if he should leave him to calm down before trying to talk to him again.

"Three years!" The thing about Yoongi is that he doesn't necessarily shout. Instead his voice drops into almost a growl as the intensity of it leaves you chilled to the bone. Tae is no exception to its effect. "Three years and you've never said a word!"

"You two were happy…" Even as he says it he knows it's no excuse.

"But you weren't!" He leans forward. "All these years you've been suffering because you've had to see the person you love, love someone else and you've had to sit on the sidelines as no more than their best friend. A spectator." He leans back again, running his hands harshly through his hair. "God dammit, Taehyung!"

"I'm sorry."

"Don't you dare apologise to me. Fuck!"

"I get that you're upset, Yoongi. But I can't help it."

"You don't get it, Tae. I'm not angry that you told me you love her, I'm angry that you never in three years said a word about it to me." He stares down at his clenched fists, avoiding Tae's gaze. "I'm angry at myself."

"What? Why?"

He looks back up at him and the look on his face is one that Taehyung has never seen. He looks utterly defeated; his eyes dull even though his mouth is set into a firm line that he looks as though he's fighting to keep there. Taehyung's own heart sinks into his stomach. He did this to him.

"Because unknowingly to me I've been hurting you and you've still acted like my best friend even though it must have been killing you to be around me when I'd taken someone from you."

He stays quite because it looks as though Yoongi has more to say.

"Dammit, Taehyung. I brought her a ring!"

Tae feels the floor drop out from under him, leaving him in a numb suspended state. "W-What?"

Yoongi runs his hands through his hair, his voice coming out in low breath. "Before the accident I was going to propose to her…"

It's a full minute before Tae finds his voice, stuttering out. "I-I didn't know."

Yoongi laughs humorously, a sad smile placing it's self on his face. "Well it's not like it matters now. She doesn't want to be with me."

His words feel like a knife straight to Tae's heart and he has to grip the edge of the table to keep from reaching over and shaking Yoongi out of this state. He almost wishes he was selfless enough to tell his hyung to snap out of it and fight for the person he loves.

But he wants to win.

He wants you.

And he's done apologising for that.

"So what do we do now?"

Yoongi looks at him, the light in his eyes gone at the turn in the conversation. "I'm not going to give you two my blessing if that's what you're looking for. But I can't help the way that she feels." He pauses, seemingly gathering his courage to continue. "I'll stay out of your way."

"Hyung…"

He stands up, looking down at Tae for a final time before walking towards the door, his shoulders slumped in defeat. "Just forget it Tae. It's fine."

Tae watches after him as he reaches for the door handle just before its pulled open revealing a startled Jungkook.

"Hyung?" He asks, surprised to be standing mere inches away from Yoongi.

He doesn't reply as he moves to go around him.

"Are you going after, Y/N?"

Yoongi's head snaps up. "What?"

"I just saw her storming down the hall. If you two are in here than I assume she was just in here with you. But she looked kind of upset."

Yoongi looks back at Taehyung who's still sitting at the table with his eyes wide.

"Do you think she heard?"

Tae shakes his head slowly, not in refusal but disbelief. She must be feeling so guilty right now.

"She said she was looking for you, Tae," Jungkook continues, not realising the tense atmosphere between the two of them.

Yoongi scoffs, "Of course she was. When would she ever come looking for me?"

"Yoongi, don't…" Tae begins but Yoongi opens the door.

He looks back at his friend with a sad look, and Tae feels his heart clench painfully in his chest. "I'm going to make this right for everyone."

"You don't have to do this for me."

Jungkook looks back and forth between them still not understanding. "Seriously, what is going on?"

Yoongi doesn't even look at him as he walks out the door, and Tae looks away, not wanting to answer.

Y/N P.O.V

"Dammit, Taehyung. I brought her a ring!"

You back away from the door slowly, your heartrate beating out of control over what you just heard. How are you supposed to react over this?

Yoongi, brought you a ring?

He was planning on proposing to you?

You feel your skin heating up as a cold sweat spreads its way over your body. No, you don't want this. He's not the one you want.

How is there any way that Yoongi thought the two of you were close enough to even consider marriage? Of course he knows more about your relationship than you do, but still, what did you ever see in him?

You turn away from the door wanting to be a far away from this situation as you can get and begin striding back the way you came. You don't even look up at where you're going until your shoulder connects with something hard enough to have you stumbling back. A large hand on your shoulder keeps you from falling and you look up at the owner to apologise for being so distracted.

You have to blink twice to make sure it's really Jungkook who stands in front of you, his brow burrowed as he takes in your expression.

You rack your brain to come up with some excuse that sounds somewhat believable. "I was uh, just looking for Tae. But I remembered I have somewhere to be."

He continues to look at you, his expression unreadable. "Are you alright?"

Not even close. "Of course." You smile. "But I really do have to get going, see you later Jungkook."

You move away from his hand and continue out of sight, only stopping and leaning against the wall to catch your breath when you're out of the building.

What situation have you gotten yourself into now?

Yoongi P.O.V

He should have been preparing himself. He'd had weeks to prepare for this day and still he's at a loss. Because he's not stupid, he's known that this would happen. Though he doesn't like to admit it, he'd become aware of a change in you even before the accident. But he loved you and he wanted to be with you and that fact blinded him to the idea that perhaps you no longer felt the same.

He'd gone out and brought you a ring for god's sake thinking that that would fix everything. Perhaps this is a better way for things to end; he's not sure he could stand you rejecting his proposal even though he knows you'd do it in the kindest way. At least this way he knows you'll be happy with Tae, instead of miserable with him.

Which brings him to his current dilemma. There is absolutely no way he has the amount of strength he'd need to leave you, and maybe that's selfish of him but he's practically giving you to Tae, so how much more do you want from him?

His heart is heavy and head full as he rides the elevator to the apartment. He's not going to cry. There's no point. What good are tears when you're the one who's left worse off afterwards?

He unlocks the door and walks into the dark room, silently thankful that you didn't come back here. That makes it so much easier. He places his bag down on the table and makes his way to the shelf holding the photos you'd studied when he first brought you here after you were released from the hospital. His eyes scan over the ones of him and the boys falling instead on the photos of you together, plus the one of you and Tae that seemed to catch your attention the most.

He grabs the photo of you a him off the shelf and holds is securely in his hands, looking over the features of your face as if for the last time, as if he's never going to get the chance to see you again. He smiles slightly, doing his best not to remember the day it was taken, that will only make it hurt more.

He tightens his hands around it as he closes his eyes steadying himself and before he loses his nerve throws the frame against the wall and watching the glass shatter as it falls to the floor.

He does the same with the others, a piece of his own heart shattering as each one falls off the shelf. He moves on to the small decorative items you'd brought over the years and throws them to the floor, hearing them break as he moves onto the next. He'd told you at the time with an eye roll that the apartment was already cluttered enough without these useless things, but you had persisted, telling him that you wanted to make it a home with him. He'd caved every time, not showing you just how much that meant to him.

He shakes his head at the memory, pulling at the cushions on the couch and throwing them around the room. The last thing he needs right now is to think about the memories he has with you, not when he's letting you go.

You were going to hate him when you got home and though you might not remember just how much value each item in this apartment has to the two of you, just seeing what he's done should be enough to make you leave.

That's what he needs to focus on right now.

Y/N P.O.V

The cold wind cuts through your coat as you wrap an arm around yourself, wanting to keep as much as your body heat within you. You knew when you left the apartment you should have grabbed another jacket, but you thought you were just going to the studio to see Tae, not end up sitting on a bench in the middle of Seoul scared to see any of the boys.

You flip you phone over in your hands, debating whether you should call Tae or just head back to the apartment. You can go back and pretend like you never heard anything, it' not like they knew you were even there after all. And even if Jungkook says anything, he doesn't know that you heard anything that Tae and Yoongi were saying anyway.

And maybe you heard wrong. Surely Yoongi would have brought this up with you before now if he was ever going to propose. Maybe everything will be fine.

You push yourself up from the bench and begin walking down the busy streets back to the apartment.

You stand at the front door for a minute before reaching into your bag for your keys, inserting the right one into the lock and twisting until the door opens inwards. You peek through the gap, the darkness of the front room making you unsure if Yoongi is here.

You step in, thinking that you'll have to face him sometime and close the door behind you. You step towards the light switch, your foot hitting something on the ground. Confused you lean down and pick it up unsure as to why a cushion would be on the floor. You find the light switch and have to blink at the scene in front of you. The cushion drops from your hands back to its place on the floor as you take in the state of the room in front of you.

More cushions have been chucked in different directions across the room; the books that were in a neat pile this morning on the coffee table have been pushed off into a heap on the floor. The rug is flipped up, and you smooth it out with your foot as you pass so you don't trip. You walk further into the apartment, glass crunching under your shoes. You end up at the shelf that used to hold photos of the boys and Yoongi and you. You bend down and pick up a small frame that lies face down, being careful of the glass surrounding it. You flip it over, already having an inkling as to what the photo is of.

The smiling faces of Tae and you cause your stomach to clench in knots, the weight of your decision crashing down on you yet again as you try to move some of the broken glass off the photo. Why has Yoongi done this?

You stand up again, placing the frame back on the shelf and look around the room. Is he even here?

You move away from the shelf heading towards the kitchen, moving around the items strewn over the floor in an effort to be as quiet as you can. You round the kitchen and immediately notice Yoongi leaning back casually on one of the stools.

"Y-Yoongi?" You ask quietly before you can stop yourself.

His head lifts slowly as he turns around to stare at you. The look he gives you causes you to stop dead in the doorway as it cuts through you like a knife.

"You're home," He replies, sliding himself from the stool and begins to walk towards you.

You take a careful step back, not knowing what he'll do to you if this is what he's done to the apartment. He's obviously angry over something and you don't want to stand to close to him in case he tries to hurt you.

"I was wondering when you'd be home," He continues, his eyes looking over you as if trying to find any evidence into where you've been.

"D-Did something happen?" You curse yourself for stuttering, but quite frankly you're scared.

"What do you mean? I'm just doing a little redecorating."

You look down at our shoes, feeling uncomfortable under his gaze. "Please don't do this, Yoongi."

You don't have to be looking at him to know the look of confusion that crosses his face. "Do what?"

You lift your head back up, looking him straight in the eye. You put so much effort into making your own expression hard that you didn't notice how close he was standing to you. "Why did you do this?"

A certain darkness crosses over his face, but it's gone before you can figure out what it is before it's replaced by a look of anger that makes you shiver. "You should already know the answer to that question."

You nod guiltily, because of course you do.

"So my question to you is; why are you standing there like the victim when everything has worked out in your favour?"

You don't miss the slight hurt in his voice as you let his words sink in. He's right, you know he is. But that doesn't mean you're not going to be scared of him, his actions today have spoken louder than his words in weeks.

"Because you're scaring me."

"Good."

Is that what he wants? Does he really want you to be scared of him? And why? Just so you won't feel guilty over leaving him for Taehyung. No, that can't be it. Yoongi has never once showed you the amount of love and affection that Taehyung has in these last weeks, there's no way Yoongi would try and spare your feelings like that.

And that thought makes you mad. Because who does he think he is? You can't help that the accident happened, you can't help that as a result you lost your memories and you can't help that you fell in love with Taehyung.

If Yoongi wants to stay here and be bitter about what happened then he's on his own. But you still have one question to ask him.

You draw in a breath, doing your best to keep your expression blank. You don't need to give away how much this is hurting you.

"Did you want to marry me?"

His eyes widen significantly, he certainly wasn't expecting you to ask that. "What?"

This is no time for him to not give you a straightforward answer. "Did you want to spend your life with me?" You stop again, commanding strength. "Where you going to ask me to marry you?"

He nods a slow lowering of his head as he refuses to meet your eyes, his voice coming out quiet and harsh in the tense air. "I did want to spend the rest of my life with the person I love." He pauses, looking right into your eyes. You're not sure what he sees there, but he chooses to continue anyway. "But she's no longer here."

You're surprised by the amount of hurt you feel at those words. You can't help but lift your hands to your mouth, your shock evident to him. You can feel tears pricking at the back of your eyes, but you refuse to cry in front of him. You did this to him, you took the one person he loved and twisted her into a version that he wants nothing to do with. You twisted her into a version that loves Tae, and that realisation opens a hole in your chest that you have no idea how to fill.

"I'm so sorry, Yoongi," You say quietly.

"I don't want your apology!" He snaps harshly, turning away from you and walking to the kitchen table.

"I don't know what you want me to say!" You almost yell.

He turns back to you, hate in his eyes causing you to flinch back. "I don't want you to say anything! You think that I want to hear all the reasons why I'm not good enough for you? You think I want to hear about why you chose one of my best friends over me?"

"No, Yoongi. Please stop," You run your hands through your hair, stepping closer to him in an effort to get him to see why he needs to listen. "That's not what I'm trying to do, I just -,"

He steps back at your approach. "Just what? Don't love me anymore? I can see that clearly for myself." He spits.

"Stop it!" You yell, startling the both of you. You stare at him wide eyed, not sure how to continue and he just smirks. That makes your blood boil.

"I don't even know why I feel the need to explain anything to you. It's not my fault I got into the accident. It's not my fault that I lost my memories. And it's not my fault that I don't love you anymore!"

You didn't mean for that last bit to slip out, because you yourself know that it's far from the truth. You expect him to look hurt, but that smirk never leaves his face as if he was expecting you to say it. Instead he laughs, almost doubling over as the deep rumbles make their way out of his chest and into the space between you. You're taken aback by the change in him, as you stand there staring unsure what to do.

Eventually he stops and rights himself, looking back at you. He tilts his head slightly to the side, his expression like a blank slate, his dark eyes expressionless.

"You think I care if you don't love me anymore?"

"No, that's not what I meant," You try and backtrack, but from the look in his eyes you know that you've lost him. There is no coming back from this.

You stand there staring at each other before he moves, shoving his head phones and bag off the table in anger. You flinch back, putting distance between the two of you as you watch the items land on the floor with a thud.

"Y-Yoongi -,"

"Don't!" He interrupts and you stare at him with wide eyes as you try to think of a way to get yourself out of here. He gives you your opening when he storms out of the room making his way into the front room.

"Yoongi, please!" You try again as you follow after him, making sure to put yourself between his body and the front door.

He whirls around, his eyes bright with anger as he stares at you nearing the door. His eyebrows knit together as he takes in your stance. You reach your hand out behind you as you feel for the doorknob that will aid you in your escape. Your fingers just wrap around the cold metal when his harsh voice makes its way to you.

"Where do you think you're going?"

You look him in the eye, knowing that it will only anger him further if you refuse him eye contact. "I'm leaving. I can't stay here. Not when you've done this."

He laughs, as if this is all been some joke that you weren't clued in on. "And where will you go?"

You swallow thickly, knowing that what you say next will only add to his anger. But you're not going to lie to him; you never wanted to do that. You open your mouth, but you're not given the chance to reply when he scoffs, kicking one of the frames that lies smashed on the floor. It skids across the floorboards and lands with a thunk against the opposite wall.

"You're going to Taehyung, aren't you?"

You wish he wouldn't say Tae's name like that, so full of hate and distaste. "I'm not staying here with you, not now."

"So out of everyone you choose to go to Taehyung." He shakes his head as if he can't understand your reasoning. As if he did nothing to drive you into Tae's arms.

"He's my best friend."

He scoffs again, looking away from you. "I think he's a bit more than that."

You keep your mouth closed, because you know he's right. You knew you were screwed the moment you realised how deep your feelings for Tae were, yet if you were to do it again you doubt you would change a thing. You are meant to be with Tae, you just know it. If that wasn't clear before after Yoongi's rampage it certainly is.

You look at him, wishing that he would look at you again. You look at him carefully, wishing for one last time that you could remember what it was like to love him, what it was that drew you to him. You notice a slight shaking of his shoulders as if he was crying, but with him facing away from you it's impossible to tell. You're probably just imagining it, because after what you've done, why would he cry for you?

"I'm done."

You blink, when there are no other sounds and thinking that you imagined his voice you sigh finally turning the handle and opening the door. You look back to find he hasn't moved.

"I'm so sorry, Yoongi," You whisper and then you close the door.

You stand with your back pressed against the wood as you try and get your breathing under control. How could you have just done that to him? Sure he scared you, but you broke him. You know that. You turn you head slightly when you hear movement inside the apartment.

A loud crash against the front door startles you before you hear glass shattering to the floor.

"Fuck!"

You press your ear against the door only to hear sobbing coming from the man you just walked out on. That noise shatters the rest of your heart that still belonged to Yoongi and like the coward you are you move away from the door and begin walking back down the street.

Away from Yoongi.

Back to Taehyung. 


End file.
